Ecstacy

Have you ever laughed so hard, your tummy started to ache?
You experience difficulty in breathing,
your eyes start to water, you can barely speak,
you sound like a donkey with its foot caught in the drain,
and everyone in the room thinks you're a complete retard?
Well that happened to me today!

*wait, i think its been happening to me quite often now,
ever since Liaw joined me in AxxA..hahahah

19th November 2008
Joolee ( My Sitaopor aka shuet char aunty) gave Liaw a bottle of vitamin C because Liaw was coughing her lungs out for almost 2 weeks straight.

Lala : "eh Joolee, why u give me?"
Sitaopor : "you cough ma..take vitamin C is good"

*click click click click*

~MY MSN BLINKING~

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
Hey should I take or not?

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ :
up to you la..how i know..

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
so how?

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ :
take laaaa... and gimme 1 please... thankiuk.. hahahahah

After Lunch :

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
joolee gimme fing tau yunn!!!!!
(find tau yunn - ecstasy)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
becoz the box there write... ESTER-C

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
she though i duno

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
mahai
(mahai - mothers vagina)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
i so smart

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:
once c i know

























This girl is going kill me soon!
HELP! CANT BREATHE!

Kena Saman Lagi..

There's a certain time in a girls' life where they'd start to think about marriage.
I shudder at the thought of it...

It starts when your girl friends start to get married one by one..
The conversation always end with the sentence "Whens your turn ah??"
My answer would always be "CHOIIII"
Then they'd ignore me and continue to blabber "you know la now not young edi..when wanna get married? when you're 40 meh? then baby leh?.......la la la la la la see me..la la la see me.."
I put my gift of blocking out irritating voices to good use..
"Thanks mummy for helping me develop this skill at a young age with your constant nagging!"

Urghh please don't ask me this question.
I'm so freaked out about marriage right now.
I do want to get married one day..
I just don't want to think about it right now.
Let me focus on what I can achieve before I try to think about settling down.
And, I think if I do get married, I only want a selection of my best friends to be there,
of course my dearest family members, closest relatives, and Bubbles too if she's still alive.
So sorry, you YI MA GU JEH can all piss off...
If you like weddings so much, you get married yourself..hahahahahahah

I've got my heart broken one time too many.
I don't deny I've had my share of breaking hearts as well..
Which I would really like to apologize if only i had the guts to.
"I'm sorry, I really am..."
But as I always say..
"There's no saint without a past, no sinner without a future."
I've changed. I'm still trying.

The worst thing about getting your heart broken,
is when its not that he has found someone new..
"That... That, I can forgive."
For I know Love knows no boundaries, Love has no reason, Love is Just.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
I'd be heart broken still, but time heals all.
Its the deception and lies.
What good is a relationship without trust.
Being the stubborn Taurus that I am, I just cannot let it go.
Sigh, I know la I'm not perfect myself...

Back to marriage.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm all for it, just not for myself... yet

I've seen friend after friend get preggie,
think about abortion but doesn't go through with it,
and ends with marriage.
After having the baby,
they complain that they don't love their husbands, or the other way around,
how the baby ruined their life,
that the baby was all a mistake, and they wish they could turn back time,
and think of all the things they could have done with their lives, if only...

jou ji jao mou hak yi. (direct translation : if you knew earlier there wouldn't be beggars)

Well, you know what?
A baby is never a mistake.
A baby is born sin free.
You are the mistake!
You ruined your own life!
You Could have prevented this mess with 5 bucks or less.
Now look what you have gotten yourself into?

Case after case of family problems.
News of divorce.
Pray that only tears are shed.. and nothing more.

Why?
To be married to one man your whole life,
to find out he's got another wife on the other side of the country,
or a girlfriend who's even younger than your very own daughter,
or worse still, GAY.

Why?
To be married to one woman your whole life,
to find out she's been sleeping with every Tom Dick & Harry,
that she only married you for your money,
or worse still, .. hmm..wait i think thats it... I cant think of anything else hahaha

I come from a messy family.
The only good that came from it is.. life, my brother, my friends, my cool relatives.
Besides that, alot of things were really painful.
I've learnt to keep it inside, well hidden from the outside world.
Its the only way to show that you've got a PERFECT family.

Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
When you have it, you have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom has fallen from your branches
you find that you are but one tree, not two.

Gosh look where I've gone to again. XP

So till the day you receive my wedding invitation, (not anytime soon!!)
know this..
I've put alot of thought into it,
I'm not inviting you to fill the seats,
You're here because I really want you to be,
Because you're someone special to me.
Because your pressence makes a difference.

Friday Night In

Here I sit..
in front of the pc..
me still wrapped in my towel...

"do i bathe or not?"
Its cold, but I do have a water heater...
My hair would get all wet, but I do have a towel..
Its the middle of the night (or morning), but I do smell of sweat...

Hmmm.. a tough choice to make.

I've been in my towel for about an hour..
constantly tugging at it for Giant only sells stupid small assed towels!!!
Come on?!
One size fits all my arse..
They should put a sign
"WARNING: towels may appear bigger before buying, towels may or may not cover all your boobs & butt"

I start to wander off as I stare at the lifeless screen..
back to the time where I would tell myself..
"I'm gonna study tonight! FOR REAL!"
My buku rujukan would be wide open in front of me..
I'd look at the text as it slowly transforms into pictures..
Pictures of cartoons, tv series, BSB.. "ahhh Nick Carter I Love you!"
What ever, you name it, I've dreamt of it..

I remember one time, I was looking at the word "isi kandungan"
my mind was a total blank!
Serious.. I wasn't even dreaming about anything..
It was just empty..for about an hour or so..
Kochai broke the spell when he knocked on my door to tempt me into some late night snacking.

Kochai: "You prepare the goodies! I'll take care of the movie"
I'd get all upset and fight.
Toy : "why cant you prepare the supper? I'll prep up the movie"
Kochai : "because I rewind a tape better than you (back then all VCR ma) & I can choose a 'cun cun mari' movie, you can't.."
Point well taken.

Its true that I could never really decide anything for myself.
It was always "go with the flow" or "a smart person doesn't go against the tide of the crowd"
The question I hate the most is "What you want to eat?"
My answer would always be "anything.." or "up to you"
I could never make a suggestion or decision.

One would notice that in every single post that I publish,
I seem to be dragging on about everything and nothing..
I'd start out normal, and end up talking about something else..
Just like this one..hahaha

Kochai says that:
I'm fickle minded.
I have no back bone.
I have no character.
I have no personality.

When I do think about it..I believe what he says is true.
I have no personality of my own.
I'm always adapting to my surroundings, never the other way around.
But it does have its advantages.
I'm able to join in any group that I choose to,
be it the book worm, the science geeks, the lalas, the bums, the wee ones, the old folks (my specialty), the gangsters, the machans, the cool, the uncool, the educated, the illiterate, the wise cracks, the lamers... I guess the list goes on a long way..
Its like I'm a blood sucking mosquito, any blood will do...
I'm like the cockroach, adapting to the environment
( But cockroaches do survive through everything.. so.."Cockroach : 1 - Joy : 0" )
or an octopus.. just that I've not evolved enough to change color. hehe
that would be super cool!

I'd like to think I have split personalities.
But with a split like that?
GOD DAMNNNN WOMAN..
how many ways you wanna split la??

I'm like a bowl of jello.
You think you can see right through me,
but theres small bits and pieces in me that you don't see.
You think you know what I taste like,
but theres no way of ever knowing till you take a bite.
You think that I'll always be sweet,
but it all depends on what type of toppings I want to add on.

I'm just being me.
I choose to show you who I want you to see in me.
Sorta like Mystique in Xmen. haha

Its kinda hard when people ask you whats your favourite this & that.
I don't really have a favourite whatever..
I guess it would be easier if they asked me what I don't like & what I do.

Lets see..

1. I don't like to borrow.
2. I don't like it when my feet gets wet in the rain.
3. I don't like adultry or adulterers.
4. I don't like seeing weird textures, example: unscrapped scales on a fish after its been fried!
5. I don't like it when I can't fix a problem on my own.
6. I don't like it when I order a telur mata kerbau and it comes served to me all cooked.
7. I don't like it when I'm wrong when I absolutely thought I was right.
8. I don't like it when I'm told I'm wrong when I absolutely thought I was right.

and...

1. I love shoes.
2. I love mushrooms.
3. I love animals.
4. I love writing nonsense.
5. I love frankie valli songs
6. I love boring musicals.
   
7. I love green & purple.
8. I love daydreaming.

Sigh, I just realised I should better get going if I want to take that bath.
Esok ada kerja...CURSE YOU WORKING SATURDAYS!

I'm Sorry if I just wasted your time again.
Wait a minute, No.. No I'm not.. haha..

I'm just being me..
Exactly what I know not myself..

Did you know?

12th November 2008, Wednesday
(Connaught pasar malam night)

Help! I'm emailing some files to my client
but the connection in my house is just too slow!
Snails would have crossed the road, found a partner, mated,
had babies,and died but my files would still be attaching..

To pass time, I've decided to come up with a segment called
"DID YOU KNOW?"
I'm gonna fill it with facts of my favorite niece.

Did you know?
That zebras could bowl?
HEHEHEHEHEHEH
They're not very good at it, but for a monochromatic fella,
I'd say they're doing a helluva job!!!

I've not been to a bowling alley for ages!
I remembered we're supposed to share something with the other players but I couldnt quite put my hand on it...
We reached our lane (Lane 30) and there was this couple at the next lane (Lane 29)
I went "ahhhh share table!! now i remember" ..
and pulled the retractable chair to sit down.
The lady gave me a weird look, so I decided to check which lane was this???
Then I saw Zebz putting her things on the table beside the couples' table..
Ooops Malu nyerr...
I finally realized we were only supposed to share the balls n the place to put the balls.
Tsk tsk tsk...yes its been that long.. PAISEH

Zebs wasn't herself today.
When in kuantan, she'd beat me flat,
just by standing in front of the arrow, let go off the ball,
and STRIKE!!!!!

today...

today lain sikit.
She came lah like a pro bowler, got tape to tape the fingers n all
saying if not her nails will chip or break (not sure which one)
funny... I thought zebras only had hooves,
and they were supposed to be super strong!
kakakakak

hehe a bowling alley sure is a noisy place.
I told her the tape could be used to tape your nipples as well if you didnt want to wear a bra..and when you didnt want to look as if you have two pointers under your shirt.
She couldnt hear me and kept on going HA?? HA????
I started shouting "Nipples!!!" LOUDER AND LOUDER!
I hope no one heard me..

So our girl walked straight up to the bowling balls,
tiba tiba turned back and started giggling and..... I think... she was talking to me.
I couldn't really hear her at first but then she started taking the tape back out again.
Apparently she taped the wrong hoof.. hahaha
Ooops my bad, aku punya jahat..I meant fingernail..
HAHA
debz - 1 : Joy - 1

Heres some proof that Zebras can bowl!!

























This pic reminds me of Debby when she was very young.
hehehe













Now what would bowling be..
without a little name calling!





Overall Debz did okla...she did manage to beat the indian girl at the next lane.
Esok sekali lagi!!

BTW,
have you ever noticed?
Almost everyone, when they bowl (mostly females),
they throw the ball, turn their backs straight away,
make some funny face and whinny noises (some of them show the tongue thingy as if they just choked to death or something),
walk towards their table, after about 3 steps,
they turn their heads to see whether they've hit anything or whether their ball went into the longkang!
And just before sitting down,
they will explain why the ball went this or that direction..

hehe I think its cute!
I wonder why only the girls do this?
I was observing many bowlers tonight and mostly all of them were like dat!
Zebz was like 50 - 50 only, if she knew she threw a pariah ball,
she'd straight turn back n grumble.
If got chance she'd stay and watch the ball roll.. hmmmm

YAY finally my files uploaded liao!

Stay tuned for more "DID YOU KNOW?" in near future!
Tata~

PS: Snails really do cross the roads to find their partner and make babies!!
awww so cute...
yet gross..

Why I Love These Nuts

Kochai:

LaLa Liaw:

(Liaws gf on the phone, not wanting to hang up)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

hou lan fan aaaa

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ says:

yam hui lou meiiii

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

can mou?

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

pls help

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ says:

u wan? i call the office?

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ says:

to look for u? so you terpaksa hang up?

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

can u kill her for mee... FOR MEEEEEEEE

(Liaw came up with all the names for everyone who attended the halloween party)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

wei be zorro woman

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

beran be the fan ban pirates

(pirated pirates)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

saw is halei bobo

(harry potter)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

yi ren is SEI GAY LOU

(Bloody Gay Fella)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

i'm lala zombie student

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

u r raped student zombie

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

ko jai is eat too much till die jor geh zombie student

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

debby is wat ady ha?

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

in english

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ says:

greek goddess

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

debby is though herself so beautiful then suiside de greek goddess

♫♥ EupHoRia bLoSSoM ♥♫ says:

milong leh?

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

stone is accident liao then zao yiong jor marilyn monroe

(zao yiong - lari muka - distorted)

杰西"JaY~JaY" says:

some more hair all burn liao, so cut 1 asian de hair out replace

Ladybugs in KL

There! I kid you not!

Ok ok so i might have tampered with the picture abit to make it look more red.
I can't help it if my camera phone sucks. :P

But seriously!
When was the last time you saw a ladybug?
All we see now are flies, mosquitos and cockroaches.
(Fleas and kutus if you have pets)

And it was just there, on my bathroom wall.
ok I'm going to resist singing shaggys "It wasn't me"
Suddenly I feel as if I'm being watched.
Then I thought I was seeing spots.
Red Spots.
And whaddaya know~ a lady bug...
awww so cute..

So...
should i go with the glass cup?
or squash it?

Laughter - The best Medine.

9th November 2008, Sunday

I woke up about 9am, too early.. went back to sleep.
I woke up about 12pm, too early.. went back to sleep.
I woke up about 2pm, too early.. went back to sleep.
It's 4.12pm. Couldn't go back to sleep anymore.

I understand that everyone seems to think I'm the crazy girl who can't stop laughing.
The girl who cracks the most bodoh jokes and makes everyone laugh.
Me and Liaw has an inside joke about being immortal if laughter is really the best medicine.
Some chinese people say that everytime you laugh, you prolong your life for 3 minutes.
If thats true, hey people! I've just found the fountain of youth!
I Laugh for no apparent reason. hehehe

Today, something seems weird, very out of place.

Normally I find myself waking up to dread about going to work,
yet feeling happy that I have to go to work.
If I don't need to go to work,
I find myself staring at the ceiling of my bedroom,
the tv blaring the title menu of whichever Simpsons DVD I've put in the night before,
my mind blank... a white slate.
If Jon's around, we'd definitely be thinking duck rice...mmmmm duck riceeeeee... ;P~
I'd probably not move, till Liaw calls me and suggests that we do something
which I normally just agree to, be it makan, or teman her to go pay her DIGI phone bill..
BTW Liaw uses DIGI like gila kaninia... her bill comes up to about 5-6 hundred bucks a month.
Thats like my car installment x 3 weh...
I once asked her, whether she having another girlfriend in another country, which she said she wishes so too.. haha typical Liaw.

Today..
It was different.
I wanted to go online!
To see if my ONLY reader posted any comments on my early morning typing spree.
Which she did~hahahahaha see I'm doing it again..
Anyway.. Thank You.

It's as if she reignited something I once had but lost..

It made me remember..

Things I totally forgot from the past...

of How I wanted to be a writer when I was 12.
I wanted to be the Enid Blyton for the future kids.
I also wanted to scare them senseless haahahahahah for I only loved writing horror.
Memories of the short stories I used to print out for me friends to read.
I'd color the front pages myself and staple bind it in the middle.
With small illustrations inside of ghouls, zombies, vampires and shit.
hehe..

of How I wanted to be a vet when I was 13.
My taman had a huge padang before they built houses on it.
My baby Ginger(every dog in seremban garden was my baby) had a litter of puppies.
Some flies laid some eggs, yada yada u know the rest about them maggots.
There's this Dr. Ee in my taman that goes jogging every evening about 5.
I raced to meet him and tried to convince him to help the puppies.
All he said was "get your parents to send them to my clinic..." and continued jogging.
BASTARD!
Everyone who knows my mum knows the answer is "HELL NO!"
....
I watched the puppies go one by one...

Its reminded me of things I always wanted to do,
things I had no chance of ever doing even if I wanted to..
Family finances played a big part at that time...

But most of all..
But MOST OF ALL~ I LIKE DA WAY YOU MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! hahahahah sorry I heard this song yesterday and I can't get it outta my head...
But most of all..
It gave me new meaning to life.
Might not really make sense to you,
but it has broken the spell that was over me for god knows how long.

I feel like a different person altogether.

I know I'm not a great writer.
I've stopped reading for...gosh.. even I can't remember since when.
The only reading I do now comes in the form of emails and menus.
My vocab sux ass, grammars down the drain.
My punctuation makes no sense at all!!! hahahaha
by now you should be saying "where is she going with this?? why so long winded one?"
As a friend i think i should put up the warning below at the header of this blog.

Warning : This blog should only be read when you're extremely BOSAN, stuck in the office, everyone on msn is labeled BUSY, or when in ones toilet and theres really really nothing else better to do but go No. 2.

My life is going to change.
This is the first weekend where I've not gone back to Seremban.
Yes! and if you only knew I'm not working either! HAHAHA
Its going to be about ME!
All my life its about you! you! and you!
I can't be trying to be perfect in your eyes forever!
I want to have a life of my own too!
I want to fall down and stand up on my own!
STOP THROWING ALL YOUR BURDEN ON ME!
I'm only fucking 26 and already I'm acting like a an old sap!
Leave me alone! I need my life back!
Just because you have your own problems!
Doesn't make it my responsibility to make your wrongs seem right!

Sigh... now the courage to actually say it in your face...
which I don't think I'll ever find... being the spineless me.
I hate you..
but unfortunately I love you even more...

I will change my life.. I will make my own fate.
I swear it!

Just one step at a time..

Life's Like That

9th November 2008, 5.09am

Wa crazy ah?? 5am?? Yup you guessed it. Can't Sleep...
The fact that i went out clubbing yesterday, and again today doesn't help. No.. not one bit.
I don't really enjoy clubbing as I once did yesterday but I still do it.
Hmmm... I wonder...

Why do I still go out clubbing when the main attraction is no longer the crowd and music,
but the sleek, sexy, hard! bottle of cheap liquor?
(I know its not cheap la, a bottle in a club comes to 2-3 hundred++ bucks when you can get it in Giant for less than half the price.)

Back then, when someone says "Lets go clubbing!" the first thing that comes out of your mouth is "Who's going?" (Hi Debs! Yes you do it too! hahaha)
Today its "How much is the bottle?"
and NO! I am no longer an alcoholic!

OMG I have to add this story in :
I was supposed to stay in Liaw's place one night.
We did the norm, take out contact lens, cuci muka, pakai baju tidur, started cracking jokes about the night we just had, then slowly drift off to sleep.
All of a sudden, I heard Liaws' voice, shouting at me.. (i think she was quite pissed off as her tone was quite garang)

8am
Liaw: "WHAT THE FUCK U DOING IN MY BROTHERS ROOM??!!!??"
I opened my eyes, and huh?!?!?!?!?! I was sleeping on the floor of her brothers room!!
what tah fuck!?!!??!?!
Toy : "I don't know?!? How did I get here??"
Liaw: "YOU ASK ME I ASK WHO!!!"
as she dragged me back to her room.
Liaw: "Lucky you are sleeping on the floor and my parents not in! Or not I think we have to
change from good friend to sister-in-law la liao!!! crazy bitch!"
i have no idea how i got there.. all i know is, i hope i was sleep walking! and i pray i didn't do anything
else! hahahahaha..

k k.. Back to the topic..
So seriously, why?
Is it just me trying to stay inside the "happening" circle, trying to remain cool, refusing to let go of the past?
Or is it me denying the fact that I am a 26 year old who doesn't really have a life besides her job? (Yea I'm sorta married to my job.. I just can't help it.. I love what I do.. Though I may bitch about it everyday.. )
I've just lost my mood to go for movies, shopping, jalan jalan cari makan, planning holidays.
Whats happened to me?
I used to live up to my name on a daily basis!
Now?
My life is mainly work, make more money, work, go home and log on to facebooks' pet society or texas hold'em poker..
Kochai moving in with me during the weekdays has added a little colour to my once greyscaled life.
I think thats why I love him to bits, irritating as he may be...
hahahah i think it runs in the family la.. as I love to irritate Debs so much too...

The only ray of sunshine right now in my life is LALA Liaw.
Liaw's my colleague, my college mate, my partner in crime (both taking fake mc), my clubbing kaki, my karaoke buddy, my lunch date, and, the most important fact of all... my best friend.
I don't think she knows it, but i tend to lean on her for support in almost every aspect of my life.
It helps that shes a PLU and she doesn't share the normal relationship schedule.
That way I get to take up a lot more of her time.
It also helps that XMM(Liaw's gf) has a curfew hahahahaha.

Ishh.. I always stray far away from what I intend to write.
So anyway, Jon's in Shenzhen right now, and I'm all alone at home, in the middle of the night, sittin in the living room wide awake. And it gets you thinking.. what would my life be, if Liaw wasn't in the picture? What would I do then? My life is basically work and coming back home to the Simpsons. I have lost all joy there is in the life of a 20+ year old. I feel like I'm 60. (Blek my mums 60 and I bet she lives a far more interesting life.)
Crap! I've totally forgotten the point of my story and why I'm rambling on.

I guess..
What I'm trying to say is.. I still go out clubbing because...
It makes me feel like...
I'm still alive.
I guess..